Documentary Explores Unique Approach to Infidelity in China

A provocative documentary examining infidelity in China will debut in New Zealand next week as part of the International Film Festival. Titled Mistress Dispeller, the film follows the complex dynamics of a love triangle involving Mr. and Mrs. Li, a couple from Luoyang, Henan Province, and the husband’s mistress, Feifei. Directed by Elizabeth Lo, the documentary delves into the phenomenon of hiring “mistress dispellers,” a service that has gained traction in China over the past decade.

Lo explained in an interview with RNZ’s Nine To Noon that the emergence of this service is a response to couples in crisis who wish to address infidelity without resorting to separation. Traditionally, having a mistress was seen as a status symbol for men, often regarded as a measure of success. However, many individuals prefer to navigate the complexities of their relationships without leaving their marriages.

“This service fills a gap for people who want to combat infidelity but are not ready to end their marriages,” Lo stated. According to her, the approach allows wives to take action by hiring someone skilled in resolving such conflicts in a manner that avoids confrontation. She described it as a tool that, when utilized effectively, helps the involved parties maintain their dignity and avoid “losing face.”

Lo’s team discovered Wang, a prominent mistress dispeller, through social media. Wang’s ability to gain the trust of husbands, wives, and mistresses made her a compelling figure for the film. “She provided us access to those willing to appear on camera because of the rapport she built through her techniques,” Lo noted.

Having faced infidelity in her own family, Wang immersed herself in psychology to understand emotional complexities. “She has carved out a niche akin to family therapy, where her role involves integrating herself into a family grappling with infidelity,” Lo explained. Under the guise of a long-lost college friend or an old acquaintance, Wang forms relationships over time, influencing the individuals involved to end affairs voluntarily.

Unlike some mistress dispellers who may employ intimidation or deceit, Wang adopts a therapeutic approach. “She positions herself as a couple’s therapist, helping each person in the love triangle see her as a guiding light in their lives,” Lo stated. This method is particularly relevant in China, where seeking therapy is often stigmatized. “Wang’s work allows her to join families under a false identity, as traditional family therapy would not be accepted,” she added.

To ensure ethical standards, the husband and mistress were not informed of the film’s specifics but were approached to participate in a broader narrative about modern love and dating in China. Over a filming period of three to four months, both parties were given the opportunity to re-consent or withdraw after gaining insight into Wang’s role.

“Thankfully, this trio was so gracious and trusting that they agreed to remain featured,” said Lo. Wang’s services are financially lucrative, with fees typically reaching around US$20,000 (NZ$33,000) for a case resolution.

Lo emphasized that despite ongoing debates about the ethics of such services, Wang genuinely believes she is providing help during moments of crisis that individuals often endure in isolation due to societal shame. “By participating in this documentary, she aims to show that sharing private struggles can assist others navigating similar emotional turmoil,” Lo concluded.

Mistress Dispeller will screen in Auckland, Wellington, and Hamilton starting next week, inviting audiences to explore the intricacies of love, loyalty, and betrayal within a modern Chinese context.