Grieving and Sensing Presence: New Insights into Bereavement

As the holiday season approaches, many individuals experience a blend of joy and grief. This time of year often brings heightened awareness of those who are no longer with us. Some people unexpectedly sense the presence of deceased loved ones, a phenomenon recognized by scientists as “sense of presence” experiences. These moments can manifest in various forms, such as a familiar scent, a fleeting shadow, or the comforting feeling of a hand on the shoulder.

According to scientific literature, the prevalence of these experiences is significant. Studies have shown that between 47 percent and 82 percent of bereaved individuals report having sensed a loved one after their passing. This phenomenon raises intriguing questions about why these experiences occur and what role they play in the grieving process.

Exploring the Sense of Presence

In a recent study, I conducted interviews with 26 bereaved individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds across New Zealand, Australia, Canada, and the United States. Their accounts revealed a consistent theme: the sense of presence was primarily linked to the emotional closeness of the relationship rather than religious beliefs or cultural practices. Many described these moments occurring during times of emotional need, providing them with comfort. Others experienced them in locations strongly associated with the deceased.

Research conducted by psychiatrist William Dewi Rees in 1971 demonstrated that nearly 40 percent of 293 widowed individuals in Wales reported sensing their spouses after death. Rees was a pioneer in bereavement research, suggesting that such experiences are common and often comforting. Despite this, the psychiatric community has grappled with interpreting these occurrences, often framing them as hallucinations or attributing them to spiritual beliefs, which limits exploration of psychological explanations.

A significant shift occurred with the introduction of the Continuing Bonds Theory in the 1990s. In their book Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief, researchers Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman reframed the sense of presence as a natural part of the grieving process, indicating that these experiences reflect an ongoing inner relationship with the deceased rather than a pathological response.

The Brain and Grief

My research delves into the underlying brain mechanisms that may explain these sensations. Initially, it was crucial to distinguish how grief-related senses of presence differ from those experienced in religious contexts or neurological phenomena. I propose that the brain constructs a “person network” that encompasses memory, emotion, and social perception, holding the rich associations tied to significant individuals.

When a loved one dies, the brain does not immediately update this network. Instead, it undergoes a gradual process of adaptation to maintain bonds that have now shifted to a non-physical realm. The absence of someone who once shared festive moments at the dinner table can be a challenging adjustment, but the brain takes time to adapt to this new reality.

In this context, a sense of presence can be interpreted as a brief external manifestation of an internal representation—a moment when the brain’s stored model of a significant person influences perception. This understanding differentiates grief-related presences from neurological phenomena, such as autoscopic hallucinations, which often feel strange or disconcerting. In contrast, those grieving typically recognize the presence as belonging to the person they lost, underscoring the importance of attachment and memory in shaping these experiences.

To further explore this area, I am conducting an electroencephalogram (EEG) study to measure brain activity and gain insight into how individuals respond to different people within their social networks. Preliminary findings suggest that each relationship activates a distinct person network, potentially shedding light on why some individuals continue to feel the presence of loved ones after death.

Understanding these patterns may help clarify how we preserve meaningful relationships with those who are no longer physically present. As the holiday season emphasizes connection, discussing these moments openly can enhance comprehension of a common aspect of grief. Recognizing that sensing the presence of a loved one can be a natural and comforting part of the grieving process may help many navigate their emotions during this reflective time of year.