Grieving and Sensing Presence: Exploring Emotional Connections

As the holiday season approaches, many individuals experience a heightened awareness of grief, particularly when reflecting on loved ones who have passed away. This time of year, often marked by family gatherings, can amplify feelings of absence, drawing attention to those who are no longer present. Some bereaved individuals report experiencing what is scientifically termed a “sense of presence,” where they feel an emotional connection to the deceased.

These experiences can manifest in various ways, such as detecting a familiar scent, glimpsing a shadow, hearing a specific phrase, or even sensing a reassuring touch. Personal accounts reveal the depth of these feelings:

“When I sat alone at the dining table, I felt how she put her arm round my shoulders as she used to do when she served me food.”

Another respondent noted, “I started to smell cigar smoke, and then out of the corner of my eye I saw someone sitting in the chair. And it scared me, and then I realised it was my grandfather.”

Research indicates that these experiences are more common than many realize. A review from 2020 reported that between 47 percent and 82 percent of bereaved individuals have sensed a presence after losing a loved one. This raises important questions about the nature of these experiences and their role in the grieving process.

To explore this phenomenon, I conducted interviews with 26 bereaved individuals across New Zealand, Australia, Canada, and the United States. Participants came from diverse cultural backgrounds, both religious and non-religious. Their narratives revealed a consistent theme: the sense of presence was closely linked to the emotional bond shared with the deceased, rather than specific spiritual beliefs or cultural practices.

Many participants noted that these experiences often emerged during moments of emotional vulnerability or in settings strongly associated with the deceased. Over time, however, such sensations tended to diminish, even when individuals wished they would continue.

This phenomenon was first studied in-depth by psychiatrist William Dewi Rees in 1971, when he found that nearly 40 percent of 293 widows in Wales reported sensing their deceased spouses. His work laid the groundwork for understanding these experiences as common and comforting rather than pathological.

For years, the psychiatric community struggled to define these sensations, often framing them as either hallucinations or spiritual occurrences. This dichotomy limited the exploration of psychological explanations that resonate with the lived experiences of the bereaved.

A significant shift in perspective occurred with the introduction of the Continuing Bonds Theory in the 1990s, following the publication of “Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief” by Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman. This framework posited that sensing a presence is a normal part of the grieving process, reflecting an ongoing relationship with the deceased.

In my current research, I am investigating the neurological basis for these experiences. Early in my PhD studies, I focused on distinguishing grief-related sensations from those arising in religious contexts or due to neurological factors. My research proposes that the brain maintains a “person network,” which encompasses memories, emotions, and social perceptions associated with significant individuals.

When someone close dies, the brain does not immediately update this network. Instead, it undergoes a gradual process of adaptation to a new reality where the physical presence is absent. This adaptation reflects an ongoing inner connection rather than denial of loss.

Understanding a sense of presence as an outward expression of an internal representation can illuminate why these experiences differ from neurological phenomena such as autoscopic hallucinations, where individuals may feel detached from their bodies. In contrast, grief-related presences are almost universally recognized as belonging to the lost loved one, highlighting the role of attachment and memory.

To further investigate these concepts, I am currently conducting an electroencephalogram (EEG) study to measure brain activity in relation to different individuals within a person’s social circle. Preliminary findings suggest that each relationship activates a distinct person network in the brain.

Understanding these patterns could provide insights into why some individuals continue to sense the presence of loved ones after death and how the brain sustains meaningful relationships beyond physical existence. Exploring these moments more thoroughly and discussing them openly may enhance our understanding of a common aspect of grief, particularly during a season that emphasizes connection and remembrance.